Besides Death and Taxes, These Things are Certain May 13, 2012

Haven’t you noticed that there are certain undeniable truths in life?  I have, and unfortunately most of them cause me great irritation – either with myself or with others.  Here’s what I’ve gathered so far, in no particular order:

1)      The one day you forget your camera, you will meet a celebrity, witness the most fantastic rainbow or have a Sasquatch sighting.  Case in point, Cabo San Lucas, November, 2005.

Me:  Think we’ll need the camera? 

Husband:  Nah. 

Two hours later, we meet Sammy Hagar at his restaurant, Cabo Wabo.  Grrrrr.

2)      The shirt on the 80% off rack will always be the one that appeals most to my husband.

3)      The moment I sit down to read my Us Weekly in peace, my husband will want to tell me every detail of his day.

Hmmm…those all have a common theme.  Love you, honey!

4)      When I go to the post office/grocery store/other errand place at noon during my limited lunch hour, all of the people without jobs will be there too.  In front of me in line.

5)      I will continue to check out five books at a time from the library, thinking I will finish them all on time.  I never do.

6)      No matter how beautiful your home is, going on a tour of new homes will always make you want something different.

7)      The moment you get on the phone, your toddler will either a) Start tugging on your legs, demanding to be held, or b) Have some thunderously loud accident followed by blood curling screams, making the caller think your house is constantly in chaos.

8)      The gynecologist will need to ask me to “scoot down” a minimum of three times.

9)      Whenever I travel by air, I will hear the following types of annoying phone calls:

          a)      The “I’m on the plane now” call.  There is always a person who calls to let one or multiple people know they   are on the plane now.  They must think it sounds pretty glamorous.

b)      The “The plane has landed” call.  The second the flight attendant makes the announcement about electronic devices, this person is on the phone alerting people that the plane is on the ground.  Again, why the play-by-play?

c)      The “look at me, I’m important” call.  You know these.  The business person who probably does not need to make that call, but they feel like they need to announce to fellow fliers how important their job is.  So they call the office anyway, spewing directions about some super important Excel spreadsheet and some “big deal”.  Insert eye roll here.

10)  Dog owners on HGTV’s House Hunters will always choose the dog’s needs over their own.  That house could have a chef’s kitchen, a spa-like bath and a prime location, but if that yard is not good enough for Fido, then the deal is off.  (And this would be the point I start yelling at the television).