There are a lot of stupid signs out there, but if I were Queen of the Signs I’d add a few more. Number one on my list would be: “No Double-Wide Strollers Allowed at Festivals”, followed by “Stand to the Right If You are Going to STAND on the Moving Walkway”. People need to follow these rules to keep me from breaking out in my white girl’s rendition of Ludacris’ “Mooooove, Bitch! Get Out the Way!” That would be a whole lot less awkward for all of us, no? Come to think of it, “No Oblivious Walking” would be a good one at the mall, too. Note to self…
But in the meantime, I’ve also noticed some really stupid signs that just insult my intelligence, and for that reason they need to be removed. Let’s discuss three in particular:
“Do Not Hit Construction Workers”
I think my friend Becky said it best: “Gee, I was really thinking about hitting those construction workers, but when I learned I could get a $10,000 fine and 15 years in prison, I really gave it a second thought.”
Well said, my fantastically sarcastic friend.
“Drug Free School Zone”
I cringe whenever I walk up to a school and see the “Drug Free Zone” sign. Oh darn, I guess I can’t sell my drugs here, it’s a drug-free zone! But more importantly, why does there even need to be an announcement that drugs are not allowed, particularly at a school? The last time I checked, drugs are pretty much a no-no anywhere you go. It’s not quite the same as “smoking area” versus “non-smoking area”, folks. Every “zone” is a no drug zone, unless you are testing the boundaries in Colorado or you find yourself on Willie Nelson’s tour bus.
“Parents Who Host Lose the Most”
Ugh. I loathed this entire campaign. So apparently there are some idiotic parents out there who want their kids to think they are really cool, as opposed to being, well, responsible parents. So they decide to host keggers for their underage kids and their friends. While I am totally against this thing, there is no way in hell I am putting that sign up in my yard to protest it. I may as well put a sign in my yard that says, “Stop Being a Moron”; I’d be covering a lot more bases that way. It’s too bad people have to spend a lot of time, money and energy basically campaigning against stupidity.
I’d be happy to hear any other thoughts on signs that annoy you as well…