This is 40 (Okay, 41) November 29, 2014

If you’ve reached 40 (or any age after that, really), there are probably many days when you ask yourself how the hell this happened.  To make matters worse, I keep running into more and more uncomfortable situations that constantly remind me just how old I’m getting. You know the ones. It may be talking like your mom, or maybe you are attending a lot more funerals lately.

Here is my own list of “signs I am getting old”, in no particular order. Thankfully the list does not include “automatically waking up at 5:00 am no matter what time I went to bed”, like my parents. That would suck.

  • My first thought when I wake up is: My back hurts.
  • I find myself with groups of ladies who are discussing things like gardening and Bunko, and I think to myself, My God, is this what it’s come to?
  • In my mind, 1984 was just 15-20 years ago. Wait – it was 30 years? Holy shitballs!
  • The “younger generation” is annoying the shit out of me, and I find myself complaining about them more and more – and worrying about the day they hit the work force after college. I worry the most that parents are making it too easy for kids today. How are they ever going to learn how to problem solve? How are they ever going to face any adversity in their lives when Mom and Dad aren’t there to make it super comfortable for them? Don’t get me started on the parents who think their kid is going to get a Division I athletic scholarship.
  • I can’t eat anywhere close to what I’m used to without gaining weight. Let’s keep in mind that “eating normally” wasn’t even that bad to begin with. Now I keep gaining and losing the same three pounds over and over again.
  • My highly-magnified mirror and tweezers have become a necessity. I never know when some random hair will just pop up on my face.
  • I used to dream about living in a big house. Now that I’ve got a big house, I dream about selling all my possessions and living in a tiny house.
  • I used to dream about shoes. I still dream about shoes.
  • I offer words of “wisdom” to my step kids that start with, “Back in my day…” Example: Back in my day, there was a little show called In Living Color. Now that was the only time Jim Carrey was funny.” (Ditto Eddie Murphy and Saturday Night Live.)
  • Pajamas by 6 pm in the winter.