Author’s Note: This originally started out as one single blog post. However, I quickly discovered that I perhaps enjoy ranting about my pet peeves a bit a too much. Or at least to the degree that I had to split this blog into two separate entries because it got too damn long. Here is part one.
Kindergarten: I was hassled for being too shy/too quiet. That is, my kindergarten teacher constantly reminded me that I needed to play with others more and less by myself. What she didn’t understand was that a) I liked it that way, b) other kindergarteners could be quite annoying, and c) she of all people should know that a little ‘me’ time away from five-year-olds is not a bad thing. So I’m an introvert. Live with it. Oh and by the way I absolutely loved my kindergarten teacher. RIP Mrs. Berzloff!
Third Grade: Those girls who would try to make me miss while playing Double Dutch by purposely lifting the jump ropes up too high. Surely they were just jealous of my mad skills.
Seventh Grade: Hell…what didn’t bug me in seventh grade? Those were rough times. Next.
Tenth Grade: Gym class, especially the days we’d play softball and I’d hide in right field, praying to God the ball would come nowhere near me. I would do the same thing today. Oh wait no I wouldn’t…because I would NEVER voluntarily play softball. That is one of the awesome perks of being an adult, kids. No forced team sports or excessive socialization. See “Kindergarten” above.
College (All Four Years): Guys doing the ‘reverse head nod’. If you are not familiar with this move, then allow me to explain: It’s a quick, almost indistinguishable and 100% rude upwards flip of the head, used as a means of acknowledging another person. It was most often used by certain douchebag guys whom I had just hung out with at a party the night before. I would inevitably run into them while walking to class, and all they would muster was the reverse head nod, as if they barely knew me. Note to all these dudes: No, I am not stalking you; I am just walking to class. Get over yourselves. And I don’t even like you that way anyway. I just thought maybe since we had fun I would say hello, but you can’t seem to muster that.
Ugh…don’t you hate it when you’re twenty years too late telling people off?
My Twenties: Grown women (my co-workers) thirty-plus years my senior taking extra-long lunches, letting me answer all the phones and telling vendors to order pizza with the works, knowing full well I am a cheese-and-meat-only kind of gal, so I couldn’t even enjoy the free lunches. (Everybody knows that once you add onions on a pizza, it’s over. You can pick them off but the pizza will still taste like f*cking onions.)
My Thirties: Retired and unemployed people going to the post office/grocery store/any urgent errand place between the hours of noon and 1:00, precisely when my work lunch hour was. Uh…you have all fricking day to run those errands, people. Between noon and 1:00 you need to stay the hell home and out of my way.
I’m going to pause now for a calm-inducing adult beverage. But please join me tomorrow as I post a brand new list of my current pet peeves. Here’s a hint: they include a Japanese chain store and a commercial for insomnia medication.