Five Things that Will Never Enter my Closet August 21, 2011

Just Say No to Crocs

When it comes to clothing, I’m a big fan of the classics. Give me something that is timeless, otherwise I end up burning seventh-grade pictures of myself wearing a neon-colored sweatshirt and tight-rolled pleated jeans. I can safely say that the following items will never enter my closet, thereby saving me the unenviable task of having to explain the “appeal” of such trends to my future grandchildren.

1) Uggs – I never understood why these ginormous puffy boots were (are?) so popular. I also never understood why so many celebrities would wear them in mid summer with their denim mini skirts. It’s the shoe equivalent of wearing an unventilated Cookie Monster costume at an amusement park.

2) Crocs – One of the most hideous shoes ever invented. The Mary Jane version worn by toddlers is kind of cute, but that is the only exception.

3) Colored jeans – I am waiting for this whole bright jean trend to go quietly into the night; if I wanted that much attention drawn to my least favorite body part, I’d just attach blinking lights to my inner thighs. I’ll  just stick to the most universally flattering jean.  That would be the dark wash boot cut that I wear with heels. Always.

4) Capri pants – At one point I did actually own a few pairs of capri pants. Then I realized that they are not doing my long torso/short leg combination body any favors. Unless I am morphed into Audrey Hepburn and handed a pair of Chanel ballet flats, I am just saying no to capri pants.

5) Glaringly fake designer purses – You aren’t fooling anyone with these. I’d rather just spend the twenty five bucks on a great purse from Target, and honestly those are the purses I’ve gotten the most compliments on. Not to say I wouldn’t love a Prada bag (the pretty black shiny one that costs about $1700 at Nordstrom. Thanks Santa!) But in the meantime those Merona for Target bags are functional and sleek.