If I Were in Us Weekly…Here’s What It Would Look Like July 20, 2014


What’s in My Bag?

“I Can’t Find Shit in Here!”

Anne Niederkorn, 41, empties her purse for Us

“I have been known to hold up convenience store lines because I can’t find my debit card,” confesses the business analyst. Let’s see what’s she’s hauling in her Kate Spade tote she scored at an outlet mall.

Matchy, Matchy

“I like to impress friends by taking out the matching wallet and yelling ‘Bam’! Forty percent off with an extra 20% off that! Score!”

You Want a Receipt for That?

“In most cases, yes, I do. And then they sit in my purse for months. They are mostly for gas and lunches. Oh, and for beer and Limearitas that I bring to my tennis matches. I’m too lazy and busy to make anything, so when I see other people on my tennis team bringing things like pasta salad or sandwiches, I treat them like superheroes.”


“A few cheddar cheese Combos that spilled out of the package, antiseptic cream from work (because my heels gave me blisters) and little cut-outs from magazines that show things I want. “

She Nailed It

“Hmmm…so this looks like a piece of my gel manicure that I peeled off. You know that once you start peeling one, then they all have to come off. I must not have wanted to litter the floor with all the little Shrinky Dink pieces, so I threw some in my purse.”

Fit Bitch

“My husband got me a FitBit for my fortieth birthday and I’m still bitter. It stopped working (again) so I need to re-set it. Hence it’s been sitting in my purse for the last two months.”

Always Be Prepared

“You never know when you’ll need a maxi pad or an anti-depressant. I carry both at all times.”




Who Wore it Best?



Plaid shorts, from popular early-80’s junior-size clothing store Jean Nicole

My cousin Lori pairs hers with a creamy white sleeveless sweatshirt; I opt for the lavender polo shirt and large webbed belt.

Anne – She’s Just Like Stars!

She Gets Bad Spray Tans!

She Gets Bad Spray Tans!

She Joins Weight Loss Programs!

She Joins Weight Loss Programs!

She Hangs Out with Drunk Celebrity Friends!

She Hangs Out with Drunk Celebrity Friends!

She Gets Huge Pimples on Her Chin!

She Gets Huge Pimples on Her Chin!